Complications

Soooo. Life is getting interesting. Footloose was amazing! I loved it :) I feel so bad for Lorelle though. I love her to pieces. She lost her voice the second night of the show and didn't get it back till closing. Poor girl. Me and Tyson kissed in the finale which was an experience since it's so insanely impossible to all of his friends. I keep having people ask me "You kissed Tyson right?" hahahaha It's funny. Then my love life is in a insane triangle mess because of misleading people, and stupid men. Lovely. Stuff did happen over thanksgiving that... Really is making me confused. I made new friends though!!! Matt and Josh :) We hung out on friday night which was sooo fun :) I love those kids. So thanksgiving was an adventure (as always) and my siblings got whisked away by cousins till saturday!!!!!! WHOOP!!!! Then on saturday I hung out with Stephen and Abe. We went and saw mastermind (which was insanely funny...But possibly only because we saw it at 9:30) and i'm not gonna say how that went. Basicly. Life. is. confusing. Catching up on homework, dealing with my constantly changing brain, and life is killing me. lol It will pass, but hey can't it go any faster? Anyway, I have to go do homework! Bye!

Wow... So he wrote me.

So the past couple weeks have been interesting. Getting ready for footloose has been a blast and honestly... I can't help but be happy. Life is good. Not gonna lie. I love the way things are going. Well, So story time! Yesterday, I went to a movie night with a bunch of cool people and had a blast... Sorta. Some people were being brats, but we won't name names. Not gonna lie, I love Elise, Nikelle, and Brian dearly. :) Anyway, so I come home from that and I walk in the door and my mom is waiting for me with an envelope. I was like....Wah? So she starts being like "Don't start acting weird...Cuz i know you will." (Blah. Whatevs.) But she gives it to me and It had Darren's name on it. Wow... He hasn't written me in a year. (for those of you who don't know who he is, he is one of my best friends who left on a mish over a year ago. We were really really close and yeah...Love him.) Like...Seriously guys. I open it and read... Gosh I miss that kid. It was weird cuz, i really had gotten over the fact that he had completely forgotten about me. But then he sends this and i'm like... Wow. And really, I'm not going to go back to the pit of despair kayla (Ye of little faith) but I honestly miss him. It was soooo nice to hear from him but i'm great :) I really am. Some struggles lately? Well... (Warning selfish kayla) I just feel like especially lately I've had no one to really talk to. People have been venting and coming to me for help with their problems when i have no idea what to do. I pretend like i do, but i don't. I just... Pray for help and hope they get the answer they need. Anyway, the whole "alone kayla" is coming back and biting me in the butt. It's great that people feel like they can confide in me, but I just wish someone would stop to listen. They either are too busy with their crap, or just dont' care. I mean... It's not everyone but just... People. Yeah... Oh well. I'm good otherwise. After some body images issues sorta came and went, i feel pretty ok. Footloose is going amazing except for the fact that people can't shut the heck up. Good times. and Half (more like all) the time it's the leads. Seriously you guys. Shut. UP. Done. Cute costumes make everything better :) lol I got my dress from the hale and i'm insanely happy! Yay! Oh and just the fact that everything is slowly falling in place makes my heart happy :) Family is good. Life is good :) Anyway, i must go. Loves ya!

Wow... Yeah.

So obviously I haven't written in quite some time. Well... Life is good... Yeah... Ups and downs. Well, I'm in footloose which is amazing :) I love it. Sooooo freaking much. I just don't like the fact that because of my body I couldn't get an actual lead. Happiness. It's still fun though! I have the best boyfriend in the world (hahahaha) His name is Bickle. "Me and Bickle made it to like... 9th base last night" hehehehee Got to love rehearsals. He's a great dancer, and the dancing in the show is amazing so I really feel good about it. (Except for the fact that were supposed to be belting while doing insane jazzersize. Yay for kayla starting to sing while on the treadmill!!) I also auditioned for Curtains and Ourtown today. (More just Curtains, and more our town on thursday.) Which was fine, except for the fact that no matter what I sound like, I won't get the part I want because of my body. Lovely. And it's not even a part that requires me to be a mother or anything... It sucks. I feel like singing my heart out to the world...But frankly I storta feel like no one would even care to listen. (Ok...Not no one... Because I know like... 3 people who would..) Anyway, just some self confidence issues with my body. All my life, I've been the perfect size for everything. But now it's a living bell. (with an H) I'm too small. I feel almost invisible. I'm just looked over (literally) because I'm so tiny. Oh, and if anyone says "Your so lucky to have that body! I'm so fat!" I will punch you in the face. Really. lol. I completely understand that everybody has body issues...But as of this year, this is the first time i have EVER resented my size. It's like, when I look in the mirror by myself I feel perfectly fine. I love how i look. Then i stand next to someone and realize how right everyone is. I'm the kid sister. Ok... Sorry, done with my rant now. ANYWAY, so Me and Bonnie went to ask Nick to sadies today... Awkward face. He was soo...Like...FAIL. Hopefully when he gets hanging with me and thad and bonnie he will be more...Happy :) lol. Oh, our sadies day date planning is AMAZINGLY AMAZING. SOOOO FUN! Plus i'm going on a extraordinary date on saturday! Trafalga, carving pumpkins, hot chocolate, movies... *sigh* oh and it's with my cwfb :) Happiness :) Anyway, So...Sorry this whole post is like...Me being gripey about life. Oh well. You don't HAVE to read this you know ;) Bye Yall.

The Little Things

So yesterday was...AMAZING. Happiness is abundant :) It started out with Me waking up to a beautiful day. Perfect. I then got ready for my audition for Princess Festival...And mad myself look as Alice as possible. Yay. So I go and audition, and Jess (West Side friend, who is pregnant with TWINS! INSANITY) watched me audition, And I thought I did fairly well... And I guess I did very well since I'm singled casted as Alice! Whoooo! The only problem is that my first couple weeks of summer are going to be dominated by this. But thats perfectly fine! I'm doing a fabulous service, and i get to play with little girls all day long! Awesome!...But the days will be really long. 10 to 8 on some days...And 10-6 on others... Epic win! lol
The Rest of my day continues on like this... I start feeling sick. But I want to go play...So I ignore it. Baaaad Idea. lol. I go to Dames At Sea at Orem High, and I loved it! It was soooo good! I'm so proud of Cayel, Steven, and Jake! I love those kids! It was really funny though, when the show ended I went to go talk to Steven and we hugged and said hi. Then I went over to Jake and I was expecting him to say something along the lines of "ANYBODYS!" But instead...He said "Hott Kayla!" and I was like...What? So he drags me along back to Steven and kept repeating that over and over again. "Oh my gosh! It's Hott Kayla!" And then I go up to Cayel and he's telling a story to somebody so he doesn't quite notice me. Then he slightly looks at me still not noticing I'm there, then is like "KAYLA! He then hugs me :) I was quite happy! Then Jake comes over and is like "It's Hott Kayla!" and Cayel says "I know!" It was funny. Happiness. I then went over to the "Anti Prom" Party which was fun.

This is what really made my whole day. So you know the guy I talked about in my last blog? Well were all good now, and we discussed our friendship! Happiness! So then yesterday he had his closing night. So I left him a message and expected him not to talk to me until Monday. (Which was totally fine. Closing night is always hectic) But I was over at brooks house at 11:00 on...And at 11:20 I get a call from him. (Which was crazy cuz he likes to get to bed early, and such. And he's a boy...So this really was weird) But I was like "...Hello?..." And He's just like "Hi! I just wanted to call you so you know that I'm not dead or anything." Woah. Not like him...But it made me happy that he cared. Then he wanted to go sleep (theres my boy! hahaha) and I was like "I love your face" (and usually he's just like "Night kayla" and he doesn't say anything back. Again, it's totally fine. But this made me smile) and he just quietly says "I love you too" GAH! That made my life. It made me soooo happy! It was so small, but just made me smile:) It's not like I am in love with him (Eh...That would be bad) but he just is...My best friend... He kinda has filled all of the little cracks in my heart that Dom, Darren, Parker, Marshal...Exc.. had made. It feels so good :) Goodness:)

The little things are what make life happy :) I never could have imagined that not going to prom was amazing :)

So I guess...The past couple days have been rough. With friends, school, and rehearsal... I'm struggling. First of all, I feel completely invisible to people I consider to be my best friends. I don't know. I'm just the girl to be talked to and never talked about. I felt completely embarrassed last night at 'Once on this island' when I went up to the lead girl (Who i had heard was drop dead amazing, gorgeous, talented...From the ever loving friend.) and I go up to her and say "your so amazing, you did such a great job! I have heard so much about you" And she gives me this look. So thinking she would recognize my name(cuz i think he talks to them about me just as much as i talk about him...stupidity in my head) So i say "I'm Kayla. One of this guys friends" the look stays. Maybe he said my real name. "Mikayla Smith" the look stays. EPICALLY AWKWARD. FAIL. So then she pity's me and half heartedly says "Oh...Right..." So embarrassing. Is it really selfish for me to think that he would talk about me to his friends as much as he tells me about the "Beautiful, talented, wonderful girls" in his life. But he's right. They are all wonderful... Bless the heart of dear Craig who has put up with my crap. I love him. With all my heart. He makes my life easier. Happiness. My friend does too, don't get me wrong. Just... He's a different kind of help. But i end up bawling to him... He's the kinda guy that says very logical and profound things to a selfish girl like me. lol. Like I was crying to him saying "I would do anything for some of these people. Drop everything and anything to do anything or everything for them...But they never do the same for me." so he says "Isn't that just the best though? Doing service and not getting praise for it?" GAh. Yes bud. But i'm a teenage girl. I love all he says and does. Honestly, he really is a great influence for me and my life. Lol. Love him soooo dang much. Really. He's like my brother... My big brother who is amazing like that.

Anyway, other boys are sorta bugging me. The situation with a certain boy is difficult also. But i'm getting through that. I'm feeling incredibly guilty and i shouldn't. I told the truth...I shouldn't feel all that horrible...Right?

Cody also has been amazing. I love that kid. He is just as cute as a button! I'm so so happy he's in my life. Also, I get to see my long lost almost shark buddy, Steven! Happiness :) He's oober cute :) Gah... I don't know. Friends are so complicated right now.Two girls who i have considered to be my best friends seem oober sick of me sometimes... And i am maybe trying to hard...I don't know. It just seems like if i stop trying...I loose them. Unlike the amazing abby who can gain friends in an instant. lol. I'm very envious that woman. lol. Anyway, Life is complicated. And I just want to go to sleep until summer...or i get kissed by my prince...Whatever comes first. lol. I must go. I'm sorry for the epic fail that is this post...But I kinda don't care.
The Drama Queen

Right now, there are definitely moments where I can feel life is fantastic…And others where I’m hyperventilating wanting to cry… Definitely good times. Anyway, this last week has been…Interesting. Rehearsal mixed with auditions and such has left me sore and tired. Speaking of, Guess who made ballroom!? But can’t take it cuz productions tour is a week before nationals. KAYLA. Whooooooop. This week should be exciting, since I’m going to see Nick for the first time in two months and I’m seeing Steven for the first time since… October? Good. I’m also seeing my friends perform one acts on Friday! Which is going to be tons of extraordinary fun! Today, I find out whether I’m dying or just simply hallucinating about the pain in my back. I really hope I’m not crazy or dying. Good plan. And then I'm actually doing my actors homework, along with making little 'gifts' for my friends performances. Yay. Tomorrow is a b-day, so the chillness factor will be epicly happy. I just have to worry about what I'm going to wear....Hummmmm. I will figure it out eventually. Joyous. Thursday, friends one acts...Friday Stevens show. Gah. Happiness. School is death as always, but when is it not? I mean really? Summer is sooooo CLOSE! I mean... REally. It's right there. I can lick it almost. Joyous.

Spring Break and Week of April 12

So this is my first blog! Yahooo! So This really has been a great week or so. At the start of spring break (Monday) I saw 'The Spy Next Door' and it was...Eh. Jakie Chan, Billy Ray, and some other random famous people really kinda made the movie like... Wtf? Lol. Then on Tuesday, I got together with some friends to go see 'How to train your dragon' and although i told people it would be sold out...No one listened. So we saw 'The last Song' Instead. Miley can go die. But the little boy made me BAWL. lol Thank you Cody for the 'KISS HER' That made me laugh :) Anyway, so after this we went to far's ice cream and ate some delicious cheesecake ice cream. Happiness. lol. We also just sat and talked for a long while...Which was ridiculously nice :) Then we decided to walk outside in the COLD WIND...And jumped off a cement wall :) Good times. Then we went to Deseret Book and talked, while looking at delightful Angel Moroni action figure. Yes i said Angel Moroni. We then decided to make our way to Alyssa's bridal, where we made Cody and James take pictures of us while we tried on dresses. (They resisted at first, then began to like it...wahahahahha)And let me tell you, although i am sad i am not going to prom i am a little happy. Non of those dresses looked good on me....AT ALL. I'm just too small. A reason Why i dislike shopping sometimes. (Also one of my biggest pet peeves is when people are like "I'm so fat! Why can't i be like you and be skinny" I am not exactly happy shopping in the little girls section ALL THE TIME. Everything is big on me...And let me tell you, most of you girlies are NOT FAT. You actually have curves. Be grateful! I'm just like you...Wishing i could be eating the magical grass on the other side.) I am happy with my body... Just not all the time.I then went to a sisterhood meeting and delighted in that! Wednesday was filled with chilling and driving to st. gorege. Funnnn....I practiced my lines for Complete Works, and the next couple days were the same. Except on friday when i got the flu in vegas. Stupid. But i did get to see Lion King, which was insanely great! Sunday we headed home and i learned that Complete works will not be performed this week! YAY! I feel alot better. lol. Yesterday, I got to spend time with Abby and the boys :) it was tons of delightful fun. Then today i got to work on the ever so delightful 'perfect Scottish accent'.... Epic fail. Scottish is death. I also heard that i can audition for Alice in the Princess Festival! WHOOOO! Another Accent i need to work on...Before the end of the month. great. Anyway, I must sign of... I have 10 pages of actors homework to finish. Much love.